Chapter 10

          The cave was beautiful. Kayla had known it would be. Though she considered herself a mere amateur, she’d always enjoyed spelunking. And Jerry had shown such meticulous care in creating all her other visions, she’d been certain this was no exception.
          The narrow hillside opening widened into a surprisingly roomy chamber with irregular curving walls. A shallow fire pit was dug into the hard-packed floor, and soot had blackened the arching ceiling overhead. She had no doubt that both fire and soot were genuine; Jerry and Paul preferred reality to expensive special effects whenever possible.
          Branches and rough-hewn firewood were neatly stacked beneath a half-burned torch along one wall. Further back, the cave split into a trio of dark, narrow passageways. One of them ended in a small oval chamber that Mac and Conners would use as a larder. The set crew had even constructed a realistic shallow pool to catch the rainwater seeping down one rocky wall. The other two chambers would be their makeshift bedrooms while they were stranded on the island.
          It was rough, and primitive, and utterly magnificent! She could hardly wait to see what they’d done with the other cave, high up on the mountain, that held the mysterious healing spores MacAllister and Conners would eventually discover.
          “Well? Does it meet with your approval?”
          Kayla swung around as Alex ducked through the low opening. Her face was glowing with such vivid delight, he felt an unexpected pang of longing jolt through his veins. “Oh, Mac, it’s wonderful! But how can you fit all the filming equipment in here, and still have room to move around? I never stopped to think about that before!”
          Her ingenuous question made him relax again. Feeling more secure in his own element, he gestured to a tiny spot on one wall that she hadn’t noticed. “Most of the cameras are built-in,” he explained. “You’d be surprised at how much they can pick up through a pinpoint hole like this. The lens moves behind the wall, and is remotely controlled by a cameraman outside. Sometimes we have to walk through the scene several times before he’s confident that he knows which angles to shoot. But the actual filming goes fast, if we remember our lines and places.”
          “It’s amazing!” She shook her head in awed wonder, and turned in a slow circle to study everything again. “Even ten years ago, they couldn’t have managed this so seamlessly!”
          Alex watched in amused silence as she prowled from one side to another, searching for more hidden cameras. Now that she knew what to look for, she found most of them quickly. That didn’t lessen her pleasure, or dim the magic. He was relieved. Her first movie shoot should be magical.
          “We’ll come back in the daytime, when things are happening. Meanwhile, let’s not waste the solar generators,” he cautioned. “Jerry will have my hide if we run down his power reserves.”
          She hated to leave, after having waited so long to finally be here--but she knew he was right. There would be other times to visit the cave again.
          Alex offered a supportive arm as she carefully maneuvered back down the shallow slope. His impulsive gesture startled her. And chauvinists claim that women are bad! she thought with a frustrated inner sigh. His moods were just as quicksilver as the shifting sands!
          They hesitated for a moment at the tree line, watching the moon’s pristine light reflect in a broad shimmering swath across the incoming waves. Slowly her brimming irritation faded away. What would it be like to really be stranded here, she wondered, just as she’d written in her script? Would she have the time and energy to appreciate such quiet beauty, or would every waking moment be swallowed by the fierce need to survive?
          “Penny for your thoughts?” Alex kept his hand on her arm as they slowly headed back toward the silent ATV. That simple contact helped ease the longing ache in his chest. Why had he waited so long to reach out, to accept his riotous emotions?
          How much time did he have left to enjoy her company, before she decided to leave the island?
         She surprised herself by answering him. “The whole time I was writing, I kept envisioning myself in Mariah Conners’ shoes,” she confessed with a shy smile. “What would it really be like, how would I survive without electricity and running water? Could I find food before starvation set in? How would I go about exploring the island, and securing provisions for that big storm Paul’s itching to get filmed?”
          And how would I deal with loving you, and not being able to show it? Because MacAllister and Conners are so totally committed to each other, heart and soul, even if their dangerous work doesn’t allow them to express their feelings.
          He briefly considered her fanciful speculations, then grinned down at her. “You wrote it convincingly enough, I think you’d do great. Boredom would be your biggest enemy, in a place like this--assuming you ever had time to be bored.”
          “Now that quote sounds familiar,” she retorted with a wry chuckle. “And here I thought actors promptly forgot all their lines when the scene was finished, to make room in their tiny little minds for the next scene!”
          “A vicious lie concocted by jealous critics,” he proclaimed in a suitably indignant voice. “There’s not a word of truth in it. Actors’ memories are sharp as steel traps.” Then he hesitated, and anxiously canted his head to one side. “Uhhh...what did you say your name was, again?”
          Mac’s sly humor was so infectious, Kayla couldn’t help laughing. “Oh, you are wicked!” she teased. “Sounds to me like your steel trap is rusted shut!”
          His soft, appreciative chuckle echoed on the warm ocean breeze as they wandered a few more steps through the shifting sand. Then she stopped again. “Seriously, how would you cope if you really were stranded here?”
          Alex turned to look at her, and it seemed that his eyes glittered in the silvery moonlight. “With Mariah Conners, or with you?”
          What the hell, she’d only live once. Might as well live dangerously, and enjoy every moment she could! Who knew when cold reality might intrude, and end the magic forever?
          “With me,” she impulsively decided. “I already know how you’d get by with Conners. You have an excellent scriptwriter, remember?”
          “So they tell me.” It was bad luck to discuss a movie’s potential success while it was still being filmed, and a faint frown creased his forehead. “The proof is in the box office ratings.”
          She shrugged off his pessimism with uncharacteristic nonchalance. “Oh ye of little faith. Jerry wouldn’t be planning to hire me on permanently if he wasn’t certain the movie’s going to be a hit.”
          “Touché.” Alex lightly tweaked the tip of her nose, then gestured at the bulky equipment looming further down the beach. “Let me turn off the generator, then you can tell me what diabolical schemes you have planned for us in your next script.”
          She watched him walk away, and was puzzled by his curious ambivalence. Something was going on beneath the surface, she just couldn’t figure out what it might be.
          He hadn’t answered her, either, she realized with an exasperated sigh. How did he manage to evade uncomfortable questions so cleverly?
          The generator’s rumbling growl faded away, and was replaced by the sweet trill of drowsy night birds. Kayla drew in a deep cleansing breath, then let it out again. You only live once, she reminded herself. Make it count.
         “Mac?” she ventured as his shadowed silhouette returned. “Why did you bring me out here tonight?"
          It seemed that he hesitated just a little too long. Then he lifted a hand to brush back the hair blowing across her forehead. “To apologize for my boorish behavior earlier today?” he suggested, with the faintest trace of a smile in his rich voice. “Or maybe just to share the delights of this tropical island paradise with a very special, talented lady.”
          Why had she just known that he’d lie? Kayla’s voice hardened as she stepped back a pace. “You’re a damned fool, if you think I’m buying that. The truth, MacAllister! You don’t care what anyone thinks. And all you’ve done before today is avoid me. So I want to know. Why me, and why tonight?”
          His hand fell away. A damned fool. Cheryl Anne had said the same thing once, all those years ago, just before walking out on him.
          “You’re cold inside, Alex, because you’re too damned insecure to show affection for anyone or anything but that blasted camera! Those of us on this side of the lens get the shitty end of the stick. And that makes you a damned fool! You may be a rising star to your precious public--but I’m tired of being miserable and lonely even on those rare occasions when you’re here with me. I’ve had enough!”
          And she’d slapped a packet of divorce papers on the table, and stalked out of their snug little apartment, never to return.
          Seven years later, her caustic jibes still burned.
          It was true that he’d learned to hate her in the six turbulent months they’d been married. She’d never accepted that starting a new TV series had meant eighty-plus hours on the set every week, in locales that were often appallingly primitive. He hadn’t been able to escort her to night clubs and fancy parties on a whim, or indulge any of the other little perks she’d longed for.
          Every night, he’d found it harder to return home, because he’d known what was waiting. Nagging, tears, emotionally exhausting scenes. So he’d found himself building a protective wall--first from sheer fatigue, then later to protect his aching heart--as his fairy-tale marriage had dissolved into something hateful and ugly.
          Hollywood was a fickle town, where divorces were as common as the tawdry little affairs that spawned them. Despite that, he would have stuck it out. He’d believed in commitment, in both his personal and professional life. How else could he have endured those first few difficult years as the series had grown, taking on a life of its own that was far more complex and demanding than he’d ever anticipated?
          He would have stayed, because despite his own disillusion and misery, ultimately he believed in the strength and power of family. A lonely part of him, buried so deeply that it was nearly forgotten, still longed for children. For a happy home filled with laughter and love. For a wife to share his triumphs and tragedies, a lover to share his bed, a friend to share his dreams.
          He never would have filed for the divorce himself. But he was honest enough, in the privacy of his own soul, to feel vivid relief when it was finally over.
          Only once since then had he dared to chip away at that protective wall. But Allie had known from the start that it could only be temporary. And so he’d found the healing he needed, and gained a lifelong friend, and had emerged from the nightmare stronger than before.
          Mac was his shield now--because on his own, he was everything Cheryl Anne had accused him of being. Insecure, cold, shallow, arrogant. Even Kayla could see it, despite her blinding hero worship. He was surprised just how deeply that stung.
          For one brief moment, Kayla thought she’d alienated him past repair. What an insensitive jerk she was! The one thing you didn’t do, under any circumstance, was malign an actor’s abilities! Their egos were so damned fragile, eggshells seemed sturdy in comparison. Things had been going so well until today, and now she might have jeopardized the entire filming with one thoughtless, exasperated insult!
          She was just on the point of apologizing profusely when Alex released a heavy sigh, and nodded. “The truth, then.” He rubbed a hand across his eyes, as if trying to wipe out some hateful memory, and took a deep steadying breath. “I was told to bring you out here, away from camp, for as long as I could.”
          So he hadn’t wanted to be with her. She’d suspected as much, but the hurt still cut bone-deep. “I wondered, when you suddenly seemed so keen for my company, and no one protested when you took the ATV. Jerry would’ve had your guts for garters if you’d borrowed it without his explicit permission.”
          A rueful smile curved his lips. Obviously he’d underestimated her, assuming that she’d be too delighted with his undivided attention to notice such telling details. Talk about arrogance! “You’re a clever lady, Kayla Farrell. Too clever by half, sometimes.”
         Compliments weren’t likely to sway her at this late stage. “Why?” she insisted, shifting from one foot to the other as a warning ache began to build in her slender hips.
          “Because it seemed like the perfect time.”
          More double-talk! Kayla’s jaw clenched as she fought the urge to swing at him. She was so sick and tired of Mac’s smooth lines and clever half-truths! Why couldn’t he be honest with her just once?
          “Your legs must be hurting by now.” Turning, he snagged something bulky from the ATV’s cargo rack. “Let’s sit down for a while, and I’ll explain everything.”
          That single quiet observation took the wind right out of her sails. How could she possibly be mad at someone who cared enough to notice the little things?
          Numbly she watched as he shook open a thick sleeping bag, and spread it across the sand with quick, economical movements. It was only when he reached for her hand, as if he hadn’t just carelessly broken her heart, that her fury came cascading back.
          “Need help with the crutches?”
          “Not from you.” Stubbornly she hobbled over, and flopped down on the cushy fabric with a heartfelt sigh of relief. “Now talk.”
          She was angry, and Alex thought he understood why. No one liked to feel foolish. She must be livid that he’d lured her out here under false pretenses.
          Maybe she’d expected him to play the romantic lover, and he’d completely blown his cues. That was a situation he hoped to correct, and savor every sweet moment of it, once he’d given her the honesty she deserved.
          But what if he’d misjudged her feelings entirely, and she’d rather be with Tommy right now? He hadn’t missed the carefully casual looks, the way Tommy seized any excuse to touch her hand or fondle her silky hair. Had he interrupted more than just friendly teasing this afternoon, with his uncharacteristic outburst?
          It wouldn’t be the first time he’d lost out to Anders’ pretty-boy face and boundless charm. Women of all ages flocked to him the way children dashed for the nearest candy store. And he was so oblivious to his own charismatic appeal, it was impossible to hate or resent him.
          But it had never really mattered before, either. Not like this.
         The mere thought of another man touching Kayla made his chest clench. If she’d already fallen in love with Tommy, could he stand back and pretend he didn’t care? In another two months, the filming would be done. Would he be able to let her go, and never look back?
          You don’t know how she feels, he sternly reminded himself. Don’t jump at shadows. Find out where you stand before you start panicking.
          Nimbly he settled beside her, and rolled onto one side so he could watch her expressive face in the shimmering moonlight. “I wasn’t lying about wanting to apologize,” he murmured, laying a soothing hand on hers. “It was wrong of me to interfere with you and Tommy this afternoon. I was out of line.”
          If he’d told her he was auditioning for the Russian Ballet, he couldn’t have stunned her more. Who’d have imagined that Alex Matthews could humble himself with such a sincere apology?
          She was touched by the earnest light in his eyes--but she wasn’t ready to forgive him just yet. Whatever his motives, he’d hurt her. He’d made her believe that he wanted to spend time with her, when in reality he was only following someone else’s orders.
          “Who told you to get me out of camp?” she demanded, keeping her voice cool. “Why, and for how long?”
          She hadn’t protested his subtle insinuation. Was he too late, had Tommy already won her heart? Alex felt the anvil slam into his belly again. Only this time, it was a sick thud that made his guts clench in knots.
          Leave it alone for now. There are other ways to test what she feels. If you don’t come clean right now, you’ll throw away any chance you might’ve had of winning.
          He spread both hands wide in a helpless gesture. “You’ve got to promise me you’ll act surprised tomorrow,” he begged. “Otherwise I’m dead meat!”
          Kayla’s hard glare was anything but encouraging. Alex stifled a groan, and his broad shoulders slumped in defeat. Allie was going to kill him for blowing this so completely.
          “Part of the last helicopter’s shipment was some decent furniture for you and Brigit,” he confessed with a weary sigh. “We’ve been waiting for a chance to sneak in and renovate your hut properly. But until Dean got hurt today, and Brigit was conveniently gone overnight, we couldn’t figure out a good excuse to get in there unnoticed.”
          “We?” His reluctant answer wasn’t even close to what she’d expected. Stunned, she gaped at him through the star-drenched darkness. “Who’s we?”
          She hadn’t thought he could shock her again. She was wrong. “The whole camp was in on it, even Jerry and Paul. But it was primarily Allie’s and my idea.”
          He cared. Even though he’d been spending the last several weeks avoiding her, he cared!
         Would she ever understand what drove this man, what fueled the contradictions that formed his complex dual personality?
          “I--I don’t know what to say,” she faltered, shaking her head in blank confusion. “Mac...”
          “Don’t say anything. Then my sister won’t have to cash in on my life insurance policy.”
          It was a line so typical of Troy MacAllister, she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
        She might never understand him, but that didn’t stop her heart from melting all over again. Impulsively she leaned close enough to kiss his cheek. Fire burned against her lips, and she quickly jerked back again.
          For several endless moments, neither of them seemed able to break the tense silence. Then Alex wrapped both arms around his bent knees, and thoughtfully rocked back and forth in the sand. “When I was a kid, I used to dream about being alone with a beautiful woman on a deserted island,” he confided. “But I wasn’t really old enough to understand viva la difference. So you know what I’d do?”
          Every shaky breath was still searing Kayla’s lungs. Long-suppressed needs were awakening, clamoring fiercely for relief. She swallowed hard, and tried to keep her voice from sounding husky. “What did you do?”
          His lopsided grin was so charming, she ached inside. “I showed her all my best baseball cards.”
          Kayla stared at him in blank surprise. “You didn’t really!”
          “I did!” He flopped back on the sleeping bag, seeming totally at ease. “I had this Babe Ruth card, you see, that was worth a fortune! Well, six dollars and ninety cents according to my collector’s manual. But it sure seemed like a fortune to me at the time. And my Mickey Mantle card was worth four dollars and ten cents. But it was dog-eared, because my little sister had used it for a bookmark one time. And then...”
          Chuckling, Kayla eased down beside him, and stared up at the glistening stars overhead. “You’re making it up,” she accused. “Just to make me laugh.”
          His return grin was sly with satisfaction. “Worked, too, didn’t it?”
          The gnawing tension was still inside her, burning like liquid fire through her veins. But Mac’s comical banter helped her force it back under control. Even if she’d been capable of pleasing him, giving into that churning need with a man like Alex Matthews would be disastrous. Better if she could match his lighthearted mood, and pretend that single heated moment had never happened.
          From his perspective, it probably never had.