The nightly bonfire had already been lit, and
Kayla could hear laughter and music echoing through the trees.
Part of her yearned to mingle with the crew, to celebrate her new-found
mobility. But she was still too confused, her emotions were still
too raw. She needed time to think. To plan.
And, ultimately, to grieve. Because no
matter which path she chose, inevitably she would lose something
precious.
Dammit, how could she have let herself fall in
love with Alex? He was nothing at all like his fictional
character.
‘Mac’ was larger than life--brilliant, witty,
noble, honorable. Everything a woman could possibly want.
Alex was moody, complex, utterly perplexing.
Friendly one moment, and cool the next. Angry, then comforting.
Tender, then fierce.
How could any woman possibly understand a man like
that? And without understanding, how could she possibly love him?
But she did. There was no question that her
heart was irrevocably tangled, well past the point of no return.
She hadn’t wanted it to happen. She’d fought against it, she
realized now, ever since the day she’d arrived on the set. It had
happened anyway.
So now she faced the most difficult choice of her
entire life. If she turned away now, while she still had the
strength...
She’d spend the rest of her life wondering what
might have been, and regretting the chance she’d thrown away.
But how could she possibly face the alternative?
"Patrick is dead, but he is not gone!" she
whispered, clenching her fists. "I can’t risk losing him forever!"
Scalding tears threatened again. Quickly she
turned away from the glowing campfire, and made her silent way through
deepening shadows to the script hut. Brigit was gone--probably out
combing the island for her, she thought with a guilty pang. She
hadn’t meant to worry her. But the sudden need for solitude had
been overpowering!
If only it had brought the peace and serenity
she’d sought.
She’d apologize to Brigit later. But for
now, she wasn’t going to sit alone in the darkness, wallowing in misery.
She was going to wash her tear-streaked face, dress in something bright
and pretty, and join the festivities around the campfire. Let Alex
Matthews see that she wasn’t wasting any grief over him!
Why would he care what she felt? He could be
compassionate, even charming and affectionate, when he chose. But
that didn’t equal love. He’d never given her any indication that
he loved her, even when he’d let her cry all over him. In fact, he
was probably just as embarrassed by that emotional lapse as she was.
So forget about it. Pretend it didn’t
happen. And while you’re at it, pretend he doesn’t mean anything
to you.
Sound advice, but not quite so easily followed.
Still, it beat sitting in an empty hut, indulging in gloomy self-pity,
while everyone else was enjoying a hearty dinner on the beach.
She was hungry after her long walk. And she
had just as much right to be out there as he did.
She glanced in the mirror, and grim determination
stared back at her. That, she decided with a crisp nod, was a lot
better than cowering in the shadows. She could walk again, and she
could take command of her own future. The time for hiding was
over.
• • • • • •
Dinner was well underway
by the time she’d changed her clothes, brushed her auburn hair until it
gleamed, and made her slow but steady way down to the beach. The
sultry air was rich with delicious scents--freshly grilled fish, a thick
meaty soup, roasted corn, fruit punch in an enormous cauldron, the
occasional fizzing can of beer. One thing you could always say
about Jerry, he fed his troupe better than any embassy.
Kayla slipped into line,
filled her plate, and settled down at Allie’s table with a giddy feeling
of triumph. It was the first time she’d been able to carry her own
tray. Who’d have guessed how delightful such an ordinary task
could be?
Tommy had been watching
ever since she’d stepped into the fire-lit clearing, and her beaming
smile warmed his heart. "So you finally did it!" he exclaimed,
raising his beer in an exuberant toast. "Congratulations, darlin’!
It’s about time!"
Allie was equally
thrilled. Eyes shining, she reached across the table to clasp
Kayla’s hands. "Brigit told us you’d gone for a walk by yourself
this afternoon. She was so proud of you! So am I, I knew you
could do it!"
"Where is Brigit?"
Kayla glanced around the beach, but didn’t see the pert redhead
anywhere. "No one else has been hurt, have they?"
Tommy snorted with
laughter. "Only Jerry’s wallet! She’s in conference with him
and Paul right now, working out the terms of her new contract.
Bob’s primary job is supposed to be special effects wizardry, but he’s
been swamped with bug bites and sunburn since we got here. He only
took first aid training to satisfy his father, who’s this high-ranking
neural surgeon." And he rolled his eyes in comic dismay.
"Brigit has her nursing degree, so she’s way more qualified to handle
emergencies than he is. And after what happened to Dale..."
Memories of that
turbulent twenty-four hours could still make Kayla wince. "Don’t
remind me," she muttered under her breath.
"We’ve always been close
enough to civilization before that it didn’t matter," Allie interjected
with a rueful grimace. "But out here, having a fully trained medic
could make all the difference. Especially if certain people aren’t
more careful up on the cliffs." She hadn’t yet forgiven Alex for
nearly falling, and it showed in the scowl she aimed across the
encampment at her solitary co-star.
"Anyway." She
turned back to her cooling dinner with an overly cheerful smile.
"You must feel wonderful right now! What’s the first thing you
want to do?"
Kayla hadn’t really
thought that far ahead. "I want to see more of the filming," she
decided, after a moment’s consideration. "And I want to walk down
the beach, just to prove that I can. But you know what I really
want to do?"
"What?" They both
leaned forward, eager to hear her answer.
Kayla beamed at them.
"I want to go swimming! For hours! Daytime or moonlight, I
don’t care!"
Tommy and Allie exchanged
a swift glance, and she could almost see the wheels turning. "All
right, what are you two planning?" she demanded.
Tommy thoughtfully stared
past the shimmering campfire. "Well, sharks only patrol at dawn
and dusk. So it should be safe to go out in a few hours, as long
as we don’t swim past the safety netting. What do you say, Allie?
Feel like taking a late night dip?"
The elegant redhead
slowly smiled. "I think that’s an excellent idea. We should
ask around, see if anyone else wants to join us."
Not Alex!
Kayla almost blurted out that instinctive protest, then bit down hard on
her wayward tongue. He had every right to enjoy himself with his
co-stars. She was the outsider, the misfit. She had no right
to decide who went, and who didn’t.
Anyway, she wouldn’t have
enough energy to swim for long, not after her earlier outing. So
she could easily avoid him by slipping back to the script hut while
everyone else was still splashing around. He’d never notice, or
care, that she was gone.
"I think I’m going to
stretch my legs, mention the idea to a few people, see if we can’t put
together a nice fun party," Allie decided, pushing her empty tray aside.
"We’ve got tomorrow morning off, so we might as well enjoy the
reprieve!"
That caught Kayla’s full
attention. "We always start early," she exclaimed, glancing
quizzically at Tommy. "What’s going on tomorrow?"
He grinned and tilted his
head skyward. "Weather’s changing, can’t you feel it? We’re
supposed to get another big storm. The light’s going to be all
wrong for filming in the morning. And we didn’t take advantage of
the last storm, so Jerry decided to shift schedules, and film your
dramatic hurricane sequence tomorrow evening."
"It’s not a hurricane."
Her tart correction was instinctive. Then she leaned forward with
an anxious frown. "Tommy, I thought the wind and rain would have
to be artificially created. Won’t it be dangerous filming in a
real storm?"
For a moment he was
tempted to lie, just to ease her mind. Still, she deserved to know
the truth. "Everything on a movie set is dangerous," he hedged
with a wry grin. "But thanks to the new technology, it’s a lot
safer than it used to be. We’ll be using remote-control cameras,
so the cameramen won’t be in any danger. The light gantries can be
remotely controlled, too. And Mac and Allie are pros, they can
handle anything the wind throws at them."
After the last big storm,
they’d spent a whole day cleaning the beach of broken branches and
fallen coconuts. Kayla shuddered to think what might happen if a
tree toppled just as Alex was running under it!
Tommy squeezed her hand
hard enough to cut through that budding nightmare scenario.
"Don’t," he warned, shaking his head. "Just don’t go down that
road. You’ll tear yourself up for no good reason. Nothing
bad is going to happen tomorrow night."
She managed a wavering
smile. "Tommy Anders, are you psychic?"
He didn’t smile at her
feeble joke. "Enough to know that you’ll make yourself sick
worrying about possibilities that aren’t going to happen. And," he
added, leaning closer, "enough to know how badly you’re hurting inside,
despite your brave smiles. Talk to me, Kayla. Tell me what’s
going on."
His sudden compassion
made her ache inside. Kayla swallowed the tears that were still
too fresh, too near. She wasn’t going to cry twice in one day, not
if she had to dig her fingernails right through her palms!
"It’s--confusing," she sighed. "I don’t know if I can even explain
it."
"Try." He moved
around to her side of the table, and slipped a comforting arm around her
shoulders. "I hate seeing you upset. Especially when there’s
no need."
• • • • • •
Across the clearing, Alex
watched as Tommy flirted outrageously with Kayla, and held her hands,
and then cuddled up with her on the long wooden bench. Part of him
wanted to launch across the sand, and smash his fist into Pretty Boy’s
laughing mouth. The other part of him grieved, with a bitter pang
he’d never anticipated.
He’d never really loved
Cheryl Anne. He knew that now. He’d been in love with the
thought of being in love, delighted to have a beautiful starlet gaze
adoringly up at him. Confident, with the arrogance of youth, that
he could overcome any hurdle in his path.
That’s what she had
called him, too. Arrogant.
"You run around
like a macho man with a big gun on your hip, and think every woman wants
you! All you have to do is smile into the camera, and they fall at
your feet! Well, this is one woman who doesn’t want you, ever
again!"
Would he ever be able to
block out her sneering taunts? Or would her callous cruelty haunt
him forever?
Why did it matter, after
all this time? In the intervening years, Cheryl Anne had cruised
through a string of wealthy, powerful husbands, and was now enjoying her
hard-earned money in Monaco, with an ever-changing string of lovers.
Oh sure, he’d had his
share of lovers, too. No one could ever accuse him of being a
saint. But at least he’d been honest with those women.
They’d known from the start that he’d wanted no ties, no commitments.
Fun for a night, a week, maybe a month or two. Nothing longer.
He hadn’t tricked them into marriage, wrangled a huge divorce
settlement, then moved on to greener pastures. In nearly every
case, they’d parted on friendly terms. No harm, no foul.
Cheryl Anne been shallow,
callous, flighty. Nothing at all like Kayla. He was well rid
of her.
So why did she still have
the power to hurt him?
Cheryl Anne can
only hurt your pride. Losing Kayla will destroy your heart.
The thought came out of
nowhere, like a soft voice whispering in his ear. Startled, he
spun around and peered through the darkness. No one was there.
But he felt distinctly unsettled, enough to move uneasily to a different
picnic table.
"Mac!" Allie
spotted him, and hunkered down with a wicked grin on her lips.
"Tell me you’ll make me the happiest woman in the world!"
It was an old joke, so
for her sake he mustered a faint smile. "No, I won’t bear your
children!"
She laughed, and clasped
a dramatic hand over her heart. "Shot down in flames again!
Second choice, then. Come swimming with us later, after dinner!"
At any other time, it
would have been a tempting offer. But not right now, when he felt
so battered inside. "Allie, I’m really not in the mood," he
muttered, avoiding her keen gaze. "Not tonight, okay?"
Her emerald eyes narrowed
with something akin to smug satisfaction. "Suit yourself," she
said breezily, and rose to chat with someone else. "Kayla will be
disappointed, since that’s how she wanted to celebrate her first day of
walking again!"
He bolted upright, as
she’d known he would, but she had already strolled away.
Swimming.
Moonlight. Warm winds, cool water. Sexy women, wet t-shirts,
cold beer. It was every bachelor’s fantasy.
Kayla.
His pulse quickened, and
his mind began to whirl with possibilities.
• • • • • •
"Tommy, I just don’t know
what to do." Kayla sighed, and laid her head on his sturdy shoulder.
"I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t want to feel this way!
This wasn’t supposed to happen!" Hot tears threatened again, and
she impatiently brushed them away. "Dammit, everyone keeps saying
that I’m such good luck. If that’s true, why can’t I bring
myself any good luck?"
His startled laugh
brought her up short. "Kayla, how can you say that?" he demanded,
gesturing widely around the clearing. "Look around you! If
you couldn’t bring yourself luck, you wouldn’t be here right now!
You wouldn’t be walking again! And let’s face it, you wouldn’t
have all our finest men laying down their hearts for you!"
Some subtle nuance in his
voice made her glance quickly up at him, an unspoken question brimming
in her eyes. Oh please, God, not Tommy, I don’t want to
hurt him...
Once again, he seemed to
read her mind with uncanny ease. "Not to worry, darlin’," he
promised with a gentle smile. "I love you dearly, but not in a way
that would cause you any grief. I gave my heart away seven years
ago, and not even you can draw it back. Though if I’d met you
first," he added with a sudden impish grin, "I’d be giving Mac a serious
run for his money!"
Suddenly she knew,
and her startled gaze flew across the clearing. "Allie?"
she whispered, stunned. "My God, Tommy, I never had any idea!
Why haven’t you said something to her? Let her know how you feel?"
He released a pensive
sigh, and slowly shook his head. "Wrong time, wrong place.
She doesn’t feel the same way about me, Kayla. And I’m not going
to ruin a wonderful friendship by forcing my attentions on her."
"She’ll never
know, unless you do something!" Kayla retorted, her eyes
sparkling with irritation.
"I could say the same
thing to you," he countered, scowling right back at her. "You
know what you want! All you have to do is reach out and grab
it! He’s crazy about you, Kayla. He’s just too scared to
admit it. Are you going to throw away something wonderful simply
because you’re too afraid to make the first move?"
Kayla’s shoulders sagged
with despair. She was old-fashioned enough to believe that a man
should do the pursuing. But in the grand scheme, that was the
least of her problems.
"Tommy, I’m not right for
him," she sighed, knuckling away a fresh barrage of tears. "I
can’t give him, or any man for that matter, what he needs. So it
would be totally unfair of me to start what I can’t possibly finish."
He knew, beyond
certainty, that she wasn’t talking about an emotional lack. Kayla
Farrell was one of the most generous, caring women he’d ever met.
She had so much love to give, he envied Alex tremendously.
So that left...what?
Physical? She might have arrived in a wheelchair, but she was
solidly on her own two feet again now. She was strong, healthy.
And gaining more confidence every day.
"You’re talking about
sex," he finally decided, taking her hands. They were ice-cold.
"Why don’t you think you can please him?"
Her cheeks flamed with
embarrassment, and she ducked her head to avoid his steady gaze.
"The accident, the damage..." She stumbled over the words, feeling
like a pathetic fool. How could she find a way to explain, to make
him understand? "Tommy, I can’t! I wish it was
possible...but I just can’t."
He was silent a moment,
considering. "What do the doctors say?" he finally asked.
"Nothing." Her voice
was flat now, with loathing. "They never even believed Brigit’s
salve would regenerate my nerves. ‘Quack homeopathic remedies
have no place in a modern medical facility.’ She nearly lost
her job when they caught her treating me, after her shifts were over."
"Big surprise." He
didn’t have a high opinion of specialists, either. "There’s a
reason they call it ‘practicing medicine.’ So think about this,
darlin.’ If they were wrong about Brigit’s lotion, how could they
possibly be right about this?"
She fell silent, and
stared uncomfortably down at the sand. It wasn’t a topic she felt
easy discussing even with Brigit. Whether he was right or not,
hearing Tommy talk so casually about sex was embarrassing!
He could feel her uneasy
withdrawal. So he tried another angle. "Would you stop
caring about Alex if something happened to him, something that made him
incapable?"
Kayla’s head shot back up
again. "You know I wouldn’t!" Then she heaved a miserable
sigh. "I never thought I could feel this way again. And I
don’t know how to deal with it. But that...no, that could never
change my feelings."
"Nor would it change
his."
"It’s different for him."
Her protest was automatic, and she flushed when he threw his head back
and laughed. "Tommy, it is! He could have anyone in the
world! Why should he settle for someone less than perfect?"
"Sweetie," he replied,
with an impish gleam in his eyes, "I don’t think there’s anything wrong
with you that some really good lovin’ couldn’t fix."
That made her cheeks
flame again, and he chuckled. Then he sobered, and gently hugged
her. "Don’t turn your back on your future, Kayla. Let him
make that choice himself."
It was the second time in
one day that she’d heard the same advice. She could almost hear
Patrick’s deep voice echoing beneath Tommy’s lighter baritone.
Chills raced down her
spine.
