Chapter 1
 

            "Attention, everyone! Settle down, please. Settle down! Are we all here?"
           The speaker had an old voice, a voice that was soft and a little creaky with age. But it was also a voice used to being obeyed. When the Leader of the Mustela Secret Service spoke, everyone else stopped to listen.
           Four small, furry bodies emerged from the darkness, and formed a half-circle around the Leader’s sleeping mat. Dim light from a nearby red heat lamp gleamed off twitching black noses and bright little eyes.
           "We are all here, Leader." One of the furry creatures spoke up, and moved forward to touch whiskers with the old one. "We are ready to begin."
           The oldest ferret slowly nodded. "Good. Then let tonight’s meeting of the Mustela Secret Service begin."
           "We are Mustela, we are ferrets." Five chirping voices chanted in the darkness. "We are small and we are fast. We were given life to play and have fun. Our sacred duty is to cause mischief whenever we can. When we cross over the Rainbow Bridge at life’s end, we will pass over happily, knowing we have lived full and playful lives."
           Each ferret took a moment to touch whiskers with the other ferrets. That was their way of saying hello, and showing friendship.
           Above them, the ritual was broken by a lazy yawn. "Why do you say the same things every single night?" Quincy, the big house iguana, looked down from his tree and blinked a few times. The red light from his heat lamp made his green scales look purple. His tail was very long and pointed, and the spines on his back looked sharp and dangerous. "Don’t you get tired of doing the same thing over and over?"
           Taz looked up at him, and twitched his little nose. All the ferrets knew that Quincy might look fierce, but he was really very lazy and a little stupid. "You do the same thing every day. You lie there on your branch and eat leaves. You never play or steal toys. You never even move. Why complain about us?"
           "He’s bored." Zephyr flicked her bushy tail in disgust.
           "He’s boring!" Goliath was the youngest, but always ready to voice his opinion.
           "Ignore him," was Maggie’s tart advice.
           Old Nova rose up on her front feet, and cleared her throat. "This is a secret meeting, lizard," she warned the big iguana. "It does not involve you. Go back to sleep. Now, who would like to report first? Zephyr?"
           The silver ferret smugly preened her sleek tail. "I woke the Humans by playing with Taz and Goliath," she began. "We war-danced all over the bedroom and porch until they got out of their warm high-nest to feed the cats. Then we annoyed Casey Cat until he finally played with us."
           "I jumped so high, I pounced right on his back!" Goliath interrupted, too excited to sit still. "Like this!" And he launched into the air with an energetic spinning twirl. Taz let out a startled oof! as the younger ferret landed right on top of him. In an instant, the two males were rolling around the room, tumbling and snapping playfully at each other.
           "Taz! Goliath!" Nova’s stern voice halted them. "Behave yourselves! Playtime is for daytime! Zephyr is speaking now. You’ll get your turns later."
           "Yes, Leader." Ashamed, the males crept back into the circle, and avoided looking at each other. They knew that if they did, they might want to start playing again.
           "After we played with Casey Cat, we tried playing with the new cat," Zephyr calmly added, as if nothing had happened. "She’s still afraid of us. Taz tried talking to her, but that scared her even more. She’s still hiding behind the bookcase."
           Nova nodded. "She comes from the city. Life is different there. The animals are different there. They aren’t friendly, they don’t talk to each other. It will take time for her to get used to living on the farm. Keep trying, Taz, but don’t scare her."
           The big cinnamon-colored male nodded. "Maybe once she understands that we aren’t going to hurt her, she’ll come out and play. I’ll talk to Casey Cat tomorrow, and see if he can explain it to her."
           "It’s going to take a long time," Maggie said. "She’s scared of the dogs and the chickens and the cows, too. She’s even scared of Quincy."
           "What?" The lazy iguana opened one eye, and sleepily peered down at them.
           The ferrets ignored him.
           "I’ll talk to all of them," Taz offered. He was proud of his unusual ability to talk with all the animals, even Boy Human.
           Boy was a huge, noisy creature, all clumsy arms and legs. A ferret had to watch his step when Boy came running through the farmhouse, because Humans never watched where they were going.
           But Boy was a good pet, despite his size. He was never too busy to play with the ferrets. Even Chester and Gonzo, the two oldest ferrets who were almost ready to cross the mysterious Rainbow Bridge into the Lands Beyond, perked up when he sat with them. Boy Human knew the best ways to scratch an itchy ferret’s back, or stroke under the chin when a ferret was content and sleepy.
           Maggie took over the day’s report with a toss of her small white head. "While they were busy distracting the Humans, I snuck into the pantry and stole a box of crunchy fruit treats," she boasted.
           "A whole box?" Goliath’s eyes went huge with awe. "That’s your biggest steal yet!"
           Nova’s stern glance made him hunch down again. "Sorry," he muttered under his breath.
           "I hid the box under Boy’s bed," Maggie continued. "He’ll never find it there, with all those toys blocking the way. Then," and she paused to catch their full attention, "I taught Mom Human a new trick!"
           All the Humans were good pets, but they didn’t learn new tricks very easily. So the other ferrets eagerly crowded around Maggie, begging for details. A new Human trick would make everyone’s day happier and more fun.
           Maggie jumped up on Goliath’s wide back, so the others could hear her more clearly. "I taught her to give me FerretVite every time I stand up and put my front feet on her leg."
           FerretVite! Their very favorite treat, even better than fruit crunchies! Nothing tasted yummier to a ferret, not even banana yogurt candies. Mom Human tried to give each of them a small nibble every day, but if she was busy, she might not remember. Training her properly was a wonderful thing!
           "How long did it take you to teach her, Maggie?" Nova asked, when they’d all settled back into the circle again.
           "I’ve been working with her for three weeks now," the clever white ferret replied. "She hasn’t forgotten once this week, so I think she’s fully trained now."
           "So that’s why you always smell like FerretVite," Zephyr grumbled, scowling at her. "You know, if you’d let us help, she could have learned even faster!"
           Maggie did know that. But she hadn’t felt like sharing. "Too many ferrets asking for treats would have confused her," she argued, twitching her long whiskers. "Mom Human’s not very smart."
           "Most Humans aren’t," Taz agreed, before the two females could start fighting. "But they make good pets anyway. Goliath, what did you do today?"
           The youngest ferret was a massive black male, even bigger than Taz. Because he was so young, barely a teenager in ferret years, normally he wouldn’t have been included in the Mustela Secret Service for another whole year. But his size and strength were useful tools to the cunning ferrets.
           Maggie was their master thief, able to sneak through any gate or pantry door without being spotted. No toy or treat was safe when she was prowling for mischief.
           Goliath didn’t sneak anywhere. He didn’t have to. He barreled right through each door like an out-of-control tank. Even the big dog moved aside when Goliath came charging through the hallway.
           "I pounced on Casey Cat’s back!" he told them. "Like this!"
           "Yes, that’s very good!" Nova quickly said, before he could launch at Taz again. "We’re all very proud of you, Goliath."
           Maggie made a rude sound under her breath. Nova turned and frowned at her through the dim light. "We can’t all be geniuses like you, Maggie," she chided. "Goliath is still very young. Even you didn’t know everything when you were a baby."
           "What?" Quincy and Goliath spoke in unison, with equally blank looks on their faces.
           Maggie rolled her dark eyes in disgust, and turned away.
           "Taz, you talked with Boy for a long time today," the old leader said, turning toward her best helper. "What did he tell you?"
           Taz looked so upset that even Maggie turned back and paid attention. "The Mayor Man wants to pass a new Law. He wants to get rid of all the ferrets in this town."
           "What?" Horrified, all the ferrets jumped up and crowded around him. "Why would he do that? We’ve never done anything to him! Maybe Boy heard wrong!"
           Goliath pushed his way into the middle, and nudged Taz with his big nose. "What’s a Law?"
           "A Law is..." Nova had to think for a moment. Then she nodded. "A Law means, I tell you to do something, and you have to do it."
           Goliath did not like the sound of that at all. "What if I don’t want to do it?"
           "A Law isn’t always a bad thing," Taz quickly assured the younger ferret. "The Mustela Secret Service has Laws."
           "It does?" Goliath stared at him in surprise.
           "Of course! You know that only one ferret can speak at a time, and everyone else has to be quiet until he’s done, right? That’s a Law," Taz explained. "And playing is a Law, too."
           "So is stealing treats, and knocking things off the Christmas tree," Maggie added with a wicked gleam in her eyes. "And teasing the cat, and playing with Boy, and..."
           "I think we all get the idea," Nova said, before Maggie could continue. "But this Law of the Mayor Man’s is a bad law. The Mayor Man is not a good Human."
           Goliath had never known a bad Human, but he knew they existed. Taz had told him about Nova’s past, how she had nearly starved as a baby because her Human pets had been mean and cruel. Shivering, he pressed his face against Nova’s side for comfort.
           The old brown ferret rubbed noses with the frightened young giant who was twice her size--and still growing--then rose up on her front paws. "We will not let the Mayor Man send us away. We are a family. We are the Mustela Secret Service. Somehow we will find a way to change his mind."
 

Taz (Talker)

Zephyr (Scout)

Maggie (Bandit)

Goliath & Boy Human

 

Chapter 2

          None of the farm ferrets, even old Nova, could remember when the Mustela Secret Service had begun. It had existed longer than any of them, or their parents, or their parents’ parents, could remember. Even before ancient ferrets had moved from the wild grassy hillsides into warm Human homes, the MSS had been old. And it was such a well-kept secret that not even Boy Human, who knew everything that the ferrets did, knew how the strongest, smartest ferrets gathered together every night. It was their special time to plot mischief, to glory in the day’s adventures, and to share important news.
          Taz’s news was very bad, but very important. Ferrets had been living on the Human farm for a long, long time. Sometimes other Humans came to the farm to visit, and not all of them liked goats or llamas or ferrets. Some liked horses, and some liked dogs, and some liked the cats. Some of them even liked Quincy the Iguana. Humans, they had learned, were strange pets who changed their minds a lot.
          But no one, even the strange Humans who didn’t like ferrets, had ever tried to pass a Law to send all the ferrets away.
          Nova looked at her friends, and felt a heavy mix of worry and sadness. What would become of them if Mayor Man passed his evil Law? What would happen to Chester and Gonzo, who were so old that they rarely played anymore? What would happen to pretty little China and her new litter of babies? What would happen to Snoopy, who had been sick for a long time, and was just starting to get well again?
          What would happen to Taz, and Zephyr, and Maggie, and Goliath? What would happen to her? Where would they go, how could they possibly manage to stay together?
          She was Leader of the farm’s Mustela Secret Service, because she was the oldest and the smartest ferret still able to play and war-dance. Someday soon, she knew, she would be too old to Lead, and she would cross the Rainbow Bridge to join Chester and Gonzo in the mysterious Lands Beyond. There, a ferret was always young and healthy and full of energy. There was always enough food and water, and the grass was always soft. All the rivers flowed with FerretVite instead of water, and the trees grew bright jingling or fuzzy toys for ferrets to enjoy. When a tired old ferret crossed over the Rainbow Bridge, she got a brand new body and could play all day long, forever and ever.
          The Lands Beyond were a ferret’s paradise. But Nova wasn’t ready to go just yet. Her friends still needed her here.
          Each of them had special skills that made them valuable. Taz’s code-name was Talker, because he could speak the language of any animal, even Boy Human. Already the other ferrets looked to him for wisdom and advice. He would lead, someday, when she was gone.
          Maggie was code-named Bandit, because she could squeeze into any tiny space, and steal toys and treats without being seen by anyone, even other ferrets. Hers was, perhaps, the most common ferret skill--but few ferrets ever became as good thieves as Maggie. She was proud of her cleverness and special abilities.
          Zephyr was the fastest ferret Nova had ever known. She was called Scout, when they were on a mission, because she could run like the wind, and see farther than the other ferrets. It was she who stood watch, to make sure they weren’t caught, when they raided the pantry or snuck outside to play in the moonlight.
          And then there was Goliath. Goliath had no special code name. He didn’t need one. "Goliath," Boy Human had told Taz, meant "big and strong." That described their newest member perfectly. So young that he still had his baby fur, Goliath was a playful black-coated giant.
          The other ferrets all had their code-names. Goliath was simply Goliath, and always would be.
          Perhaps he wasn’t the smartest ferret in the MSS, but he was eager and loyal. In time, he would learn everything he needed to know--so that when his turn came, he too could Lead.
          "Taz," Nova said, twitching her whiskers in the dim red light, "why does Mayor Man want to get rid of all ferrets? Even Humans don’t do things without a reason."
          "Not usually," Taz agreed with a worried flick of his tail. "He says," and his dark eyes moved toward Maggie, "that ferrets look like rats. And rats are not welcome here."
          Maggie was so angry, she reared up on her back legs and clawed at the air. "Ferrets do not look like rats! We have bushy tails, and masks on our faces like raccoons! Even I have one, you just can’t see it."
          The other ferrets were black, or silver, or cinnamon, or brown. Their masks were the same colors, and easy to see. They did look a lot like raccoons, with their shiny dark eyes and curious noses. Maggie was pure white, except for the tip of her tail, so it made sense that her mask would also be white. Privately Taz thought that because her mask wasn’t visible, she did look a bit like a sleek white rat--though no rat had ever been so proud of her bushy black-tipped tail. Maggie groomed it constantly, nibbling away even the slightest trace of dust to keep it full and shiny.
          "We’re not blaming you, Maggie," Nova soothed. "Mayor Man is not very smart, if he can’t see that most ferrets look totally different. But a lot of Humans are afraid of mice and rats, because rodents steal their food and make messy nests in their walls."
          "We make nests, too," Goliath said proudly. "My nest is in Boy’s bottom clothes drawer. His pants make a nice bed, and keep me warm at night."
          "We know, Goliath," Zephyr smiled. Everyone knew where Goliath’s nest was. "But we keep our nests clean. We only put toys and special snacks in them. Mice and rats aren’t clean. That’s why Humans hate them."
          The young giant thought about that for a few minutes. "Maybe we could teach them to be clean, and then the Humans wouldn’t hate them or us!"
          It was a brilliant idea, but Nova couldn’t see how to make it happen. "Not all Humans hate us," she reminded Goliath. "Just the Mayor Man. He has a lot of power in this town. We need to find some way of changing his mind, or he will make our Humans get rid of us."
          They talked, and talked, and talked some more. But none of them could figure out how to make the mean old Mayor Man change his mind about ferrets. "We are not ugly and messy," Maggie scowled as they paused for a well-deserved snack of crunchy brown ferret pellets. "We just like to play and have fun."
          "I wish we could show him how to have fun," Zephyr sighed. "Then maybe he wouldn’t be so grouchy."
          Taz sat up so suddenly, old Quincy jolted awake on his branch and peered down at them. "Zephyr, that’s it! If we show him how to have fun, he’s sure to like us!"
          "But how can we do that?" Nova frowned. "Mayor Man won’t come to our farm, because he doesn’t like animals."
          Maggie’s whiskers began to quiver with excitement. "We’ll have to go to him. He only lives a couple of miles away!"
          "A couple of miles!" Goliath was big, but even he couldn’t imagine running that far. "How will we get there, with Human cars running around during the day, and dangerous owls hunting at night?"
          They all fell silent again, thinking. Then Taz spoke up again. "Boy Human has that big red wagon. He likes to put toys in it, and pull it around the yard. Sometimes he gets Spot Dog to pull it for him, like a horse. If I could get Spot Dog to help, maybe he could pull us all the way to Mayor Man’s house."
          Maggie didn’t think Spot Dog was likely to help them. He thought the ferrets were rotten little pests, because they liked to pounce on his long thin tail. But Nova slowly nodded. "It’s the best plan we have so far. Talker, tomorrow you must speak with Spot Dog. Remind him that Mayor Man might not stop at getting rid of ferrets. He might make a law to get rid of dogs, too. Spot Dog and his mate have a new litter of puppies. He might help us, if he thinks it will save his puppies."
          Taz puffed up with pride, as he always did when Leader used his code-name. It meant he had a Mission to do for the Mustela Secret Service.
          A ferret’s life was more than just playing, after all.

Spot Dog

Smudge Dog

Chapter 3

          Maggie was right. Spot Dog was not happy with the idea.
          It wasn’t that he hated the ferrets. He didn’t, really. Except when they pounced on his long tail when he tried to take a nap by the fireplace. Then he wished they’d all go back to the grassy hills, and leave him alone.
          "I can’t leave in the middle of the night, and pull you in a wagon all the way across town," he told Taz. "My mate has a new litter of puppies. She needs me here to help protect them. And if Dad Human found out I was missing, even for a little while, he’d be very angry." Spot Dog adored Dad Human more than anyone, and would never do anything to upset him.
          The cinnamon ferret knew that Spot Dog wouldn’t help them, but he didn’t want to give up so easily. "But Mayor Man is a really bad Human! What if he decides that your new puppies look like rats, too? They’re white just like Maggie, and they don’t have any spots yet."
          "They will get their spots in a few weeks," Spot Dog told him. "I’m sorry, Taz. I just can’t help. Not with something this big. But you could ask old Smudge Dog," he added when Taz turned away with a sigh. "He doesn’t have a mate or puppies to protect. He might be able to sneak outside at night."
          Smudge Dog didn’t like the idea, either. But he secretly liked Nova, who sometimes cuddled up against him to share the fire’s heat. They were both old now, and had a lot of stories to share. He’d be very sorry when she finally had to cross the shimmery Rainbow Bridge. He didn’t want evil old Mayor Man to send her there too soon.
          Besides, Mayor Man had thrown a brick at him a few years ago, when he’d been chasing a plump little rabbit across the fields. On cold days, it still hurt where that brick had broken one of his ribs. So he figured he owed Mayor Man a little trouble.
          "I can still pull the cart that Boy Human made for us," he told Taz. A gleam of mischief lit his dark old eyes. "If I can still pull his toys all around the yard, I can pull a bunch of ferrets to Mayor Man’s big house."
          Taz was so excited, he began bouncing and spinning around the room. "You’ll do it? That’s great! Thank you, Smudge Dog!"
          "Calm down!" Smudge Dog laid one big paw on Taz’s back, and pushed him to the ground. "We need to plan this very carefully, or the Humans will find out, and stop us."

* * * * *

          It was very dark that night, because the moon was hidden by clouds. In other parts of the world, snow lay in thick white blankets on the ground. But The Farm was in a very warm place, where it didn’t snow even during the winter.
          That didn’t stop the Humans from celebrating Christmas with lots of pretty colored lights in every window. The farmhouse was full of tiny bright lights hanging from windows, doors, and of course the gigantic pine tree in the middle of the big living room. All the ferrets, even old Snoopy and Chester and Gonzo, liked to sneak under the tree at night, and smack at the lowest ornaments to see if they could be knocked down.
          That’s where Smudge Dog found them, singing their own special ferret versions of Christmas carols.
                              Fingers and toes, fingers and toes.
                              Ferrets love playing with fingers and toes!
                              Humans all know that socks are a ‘go,’
                              But nothing beats fingers and toes! ¹

          Goliath saw Smudge Dog first, and broke off with a playful leap that nearly knocked Zephyr over. "Smudge Dog! Smudge Dog! Are we really going tonight?"
          "Hush!" the old dog growled. "All of you, be quiet! That noisy chittering is going to wake the Humans!"
          "But we were singing!" China protested, casting a worried glance toward the cozy nook where her babies were soundly sleeping. "Didn’t you like our song?"
          Nova stepped forward to touch noses with the big dog. "Enough singing for now. It’s time for us to take action. Smudge Dog, what do you have to report?"
          In his younger years, Smudge Dog had been Dad Human’s best hunting dog. He understood the need for secrecy. And though he never would have admitted it, he secretly enjoyed being part of the ferrets’ sly plot. He thumped down on the carpet, and let the younger ferrets swarm all over him. "The porch door isn’t quite closed tight," he told Nova. "I can push it open with my nose. And Boy left the cart out in the yard. If you can climb up into it, and push his toys out, I’ll pull you across town to Mayor Man’s house."
          Even the oldest ferrets felt like war-dancing with glee. But a stern look from Nova settled them back down. "China, you go back to your babies," she ordered. "The Mustela Secret Service will make sure nothing happens to them. Snoopy, Chester, and Gonzo, you keep watch in the hallway. Make lots of noise to warn us if the Humans wake up before we’re gone."
          The three oldest ferrets puffed up with pride. it felt good to know that they were still useful. Whiskers bristling, they turned and ran into the darkness.
          "Now," Nova said, looking sternly at each of the remaining ferrets. "We must move quickly, and quietly. No singing or playing until we’re safely back home. We are on a Mission." And she gave Goliath an extra warning frown. "I’m counting on each of you to do your jobs well."
          "Yes, Leader." The four excited ferrets crowded close to touch noses. Then they backed up a few paces as Smudge Dog rose to his feet, and shook himself. The greatest adventure of their lives was about to begin!
          Five sets of tiny silent feet padded after the old hunting dog as he moved through the dark living room and out onto the screened patio. A long shiny cord was running from the wall through the door, propping it just barely open. Smudge Dog shoved his dark nose against the door and pushed hard. The door swung open with a tiny creak.
          "Quickly now," he warned, moving forward so that his body held the door open. "Between my feet!"
          The ferrets dashed under him, and out into the fresh, clean night air. The silvery moon was still hidden behind some clouds, but they could see patches of star-filled black sky overhead. Somewhere out there, they knew, night hawks and owls would be soaring through the air, searching for food. One fast swoop, a slash of lethal claws, and disaster would strike. It was the way of things, a natural part of life--but no one in the Mustela Secret Service had ever been killed on a Mission. Nova did not intend for it to happen tonight.
          Boy’s red wooden cart was sitting in the middle of the big yard. The ferrets stayed close to Smudge Dog as he trotted over to it, and flopped down. By climbing on his bony back, they could scramble up into the wagon. One by one they jumped inside, and started pushing toy soldiers and little cars over the edge. But the big fluffy teddy bear was too heavy for them to move. "Leave it," was Maggie’s advice. "We can sit on it while Smudge Dog pulls us across the fields."
          While they were busy emptying the cart, Smudge Dog pushed his nose under the cart’s leather harness. With a flip of his head, and a quick wriggle, he tossed it into the air and then let it settle over his shoulders. "I’m ready if you are," he said, looking back at the eager little ferrets. "Let’s go!"
          The cart lurched into motion, and all the ferrets fell over. But no one fell out, and they quickly learned to sway with the cart as Smudge Dog trotted across the yard.
          "It’s a perfect night for a Mission," Maggie whispered to Zephyr as the big farmhouse disappeared into the darkness. "This close to Christmas, all the Humans will be safely inside their houses all night."
          "What is Christmas, anyway?" Goliath wanted to know.
          "It’s when the Humans put colored lights in their windows, and bring a big tree into the house," Zephyr told him. "And they put shiny glass things on the tree, and paper boxes under it."
          "And they string popcorn on the tree," Taz added, licking his lips. He loved popcorn. "And then one day they open all the boxes, and take out new toys, and play with them all day."
          "They do it every year when it gets cold," Nova added. "It’s one of the Human Laws."
          "And they sing songs by the fireplace," Maggie said. "Like this!"
 
                              Wreck the house this Christmas season,
                                 Fa la la la la, la la lah la!
                              Jump and war-dance beyond reason!
                                 Fa la la la la, la la lah la!
                              Climb the Christmas Tree and TRASH it,
                                 Fa la lah, la la lah, lah lah lah!
                              Find a fragile thing and SMASH it!
                                 Fa la la la la, la lah lah lah!

          "Maggie!" Nova tried to look stern, but even she couldn’t help laughing as the little white ferret began leaping and flipping all over the cart. "That is not a proper ferret Christmas carol!"
          "Maybe not," Maggie giggled, flopping down on Taz’s furry back. "But it’s what I want to do at Mayor Man’s house!"
          "Me too!" Goliath yelled. "Let’s teach him not to make a Law against ferrets!"
          "How about this one?" Zephyr suggested.

                              Weasel war-dance is for ferrets,
                                 Yum yum yum yum yum, fingers and toes...

          "No singing!" Nova glanced anxiously up at the dark sky. "Do you want to be carried off by a night hawk? There will be plenty of time for singing later.  Now I want you to remember, we are not going to Mayor Man’s house to trash it! We are going to teach him how to laugh, and play, and have fun. Is that clear?"
          No one dared to grumble out loud, because they knew that their Leader was right. But it was soooo boring to sit quietly in the cart, field after endless field, while Smudge Dog pulled them through the dark. Finally they agreed to nap and save their energy. Scout, because of her keen eyesight, was chosen to stay awake and keep watch for hunting owls.
          The trip seemed to take forever, and Smudge Dog was very tired by the time they finally plodded up Mayor Man’s driveway. "You go inside, and do your thing," he told them, flopping down in the cool grass. "I’ll wait here and rest a while."
          Nova rubbed her nose against the old dog’s white muzzle. "Thank you, Smudge," she whispered. "Your name will be remembered forever by the Mustela Secret Service." Then she turned to lead her team toward the Mayor Man’s dark house.

Christmas Mischief

Christmas Mischief

Chapter 4

          There were no pretty Christmas lights hanging outside Mayor Man’s house. No sparkly colors flashed inside his big windows. Maybe, Zephyr thought as she perched on the porch step, scanning for danger while her teammates scurried across the yard, that was because Mayor Man was so mean and unhappy.
          In a way, no lights was a bad thing. It meant they wouldn’t be able to see as clearly. On the other hand, it meant that nothing could see them.
          Except for Maggie, she thought. The white ferret’s shiny coat gleamed in the moonlight. "Hurry!" she whispered, looking up. Was that a deadly nighthawk flying overhead, or only a cloud?
          Leader, Talker, Bandit, and Goliath bounced up the wooden steps, and joined her on the big porch. "Now which way, Scout?" Maggie wanted to know.
          "There." Zephyr turned to face a very old, rusty cat door set into one wall. "Mayor Man doesn’t have any animals, so it hasn’t been used in a long time. We might all need to push, to open it."
          Nova turned to Goliath. "You were brought into the Mustela Secret Service because of your size and strength. Now is the time to prove yourself. Open that door for us, Goliath."
          The fuzzy black giant puffed up with excitement. Eyes bright, he charged at the rusty door flap...and bounced back with a startled yelp.
          The other ferrets hurried over as he shook his head to ease the pain in his bruised nose. "It didn’t move at all!" He sounded confused and angry. "Talker, maybe if you and I try together?"
          Taz was willing to try, but he suggested ramming it this time with their shoulders. They backed up a few steps, then hurled themselves at the cat door.
          Still nothing. "It must be locked from the inside," Taz panted. "We’ll never get in this way."
          They began searching all along the porch, then under it. Finally Zephyr spotted a dark hole half-buried under some scraggly vines. A nasty smell was coming from it. The ferrets wrinkled their noses in disgust.
          "Rats," Nova told the others. "They often live in the walls. They will hunt and kill small animals, but mostly rats are cowards. They’re afraid of wild hill ferrets. Maybe we can avoid fighting by acting wild ourselves."
          She had lived in the walls to survive, back when her bad humans had starved and hurt her. She knew how to make her way through the maze of cables and boards, how to follow the fresh air to an exit. "Talker, you follow right behind me," she ordered. "If we see any rats, I need you to talk to them, scare them away. Scout and Bandit, you follow Talker. Goliath, you make sure no one attacks us from behind."
          And with that, she bravely stepped into the dark hole.
          One by one, the nervous ferrets followed her. Goliath gulped hard, and kept turning around to stare back at the opening as they crept along. He liked the dark, but he didn’t like this scary narrow tunnel that smelled just awful.
          Neither did the other ferrets. But Leader had given them an order. They were the Mustela Secret Service. They would obey. Even if they were scared half to death.
          Suddenly Nova stopped, and the other ferrets bumped into her. Something big was moving around ahead of them. It had sharp teeth, and eyes that glowed red.
          "Get out of our way!" Taz yelled, in the hissing rodent language. "We are wild ferrets, and we will kill you if you bother us!"
          The rat said something rude, and for a moment it looked ready to fight. But then it saw five sets of green glowing eyes glaring back, and decided to be sensible. Muttering, it backed off and let the ferrets pass. Goliath snarled at it as they went by, and saw the flick of its bare white tail as it ran deeper into the walls. That made him feel a little better. But he still kept a very close watch behind them, to make sure it didn’t come back.
          "It’s no wonder Mayor Man hates rats," Maggie told Zephyr as they crept along. "They stink! I’m glad we don’t smell bad!"
          "Boy Human says we smell like corn chips," Taz whispered over his shoulder. "That must be a good thing, because he likes corn chips."
          Fresh air began to flow around them, and they hurried forward. The rat’s hole ended at the base of a big, dark room. One by one, they edged out and huddled nearby, staring around.
          Zephyr was the first to move. Whiskers twitching, she ran along the wall to an open doorway, and looked around. In a flash, she was back. "We’re in the dining room," she told the others. "There’s a big table and some chairs across the room." Then she turned to Nova with a worried frown. "Leader, I saw the Mayor Man. He’s lying on the floor in the hallway. He’s not moving. I think he’s hurt!"
          Maggie wanted to rush right into the hallway, but Taz stopped her. "Mayor Man might have heard us coming through the rat’s hole. It could be a trick."
          Nova slowly nodded. "Bad Humans can be mean and cunning," she agreed. "Talker, you come with me. Goliath, you stay here and protect Scout and Bandit. If we don’t come back, hurry back to Smudge Dog and go home again. Scout will be your new Leader."
          Goliath was so scared that he let out a high chittering wail. Nova instantly pressed her nose against his side, soothing him. "We will make it back safely, Goliath," she assured him. "But it’s always good to have a backup plan. Just in case."
          Maggie and Zephyr were just as scared, but they bravely added their own promises. "Nothing can hurt Leader or Talker, Goliath. We need you to defend us here until they come back."
          Slowly the young giant calmed down, though his fur stayed ruffled. He shivered once as the two oldest ferrets headed for the dark hallway, then took a deep breath, and puffed up to look dangerous. Those nasty rats would think twice before attacking him!
          Nova and Taz crept to the doorway, and stared out into the long hall. Mayor Man was sprawled at the bottom of the big staircase.
          Before Nova could stop him, Taz dashed out of the shadows and ran past the man’s big hand. She gasped, expecting him to be snatched up and thrown against the far wall. But nothing happened.
          Taz skidded to a stop under the hall table, and peered back at Mayor Man. He hadn’t moved a muscle. Baffled now, the cinnamon ferret edged back toward the fallen human, and sniffed at his fingers.
          Nova cautiously joined him. "His leg is twisted wrong," she said, nudging the cold hand with her nose. "I think he fell down the stairs. He could die if no one comes to help him."
          The two ferrets stared at each other in dismay. They had come to teach Mayor Man how to laugh and have fun. How could they summon other Humans now to help save his life?
          Nova reached a decision, and stood a little taller. "We are the Mustela Secret Service. Our Mission has changed. Talker, go get your teammates."
          She stood guard over Mayor Man, listening to him breathe, as Taz dashed into the dining room. A moment later, all four ferrets crowded around her.
          "Talker," she ordered, "go back through the rat’s hole, and tell Smudge Dog what has happened. Tell him to set up a barking chain with all the dogs in the village. Make them bring their Humans here.
          "Scout, you and Bandit go up on the stairs with Goliath. There’s a telephone on that hall table. Working together, you need to reach it, and knock off the big piece the Humans hold. They talk into it. If we can get someone to listen, maybe they will come help Mayor Man."
          The injured man groaned suddenly, and the startled ferrets turned to dash under the table. "He’s waking up!" Maggie gasped. "What if he catches us?"
          "If he could move," Zephyr pointed out, "he’d have gotten the telephone himself. We need to get it down for him. Then he can talk in it and ask the other Humans for help. Let’s go!"
          As one, the five ferrets touched noses. Then Taz raced back into the dining room, while the three youngest ferrets bounded up the stairs. Nova resumed her guard near Mayor Man’s hand. From there, she could watch everyone, and offer advice if needed.
          The telephone was sitting right in the middle of the hall table. The stairs climbed up past it, but it was too far away for any ferret to jump. Their only chance was to climb all the way to the second floor, and try to jump down onto the table. That was dangerous, because it was a huge drop. The ferret who slipped, or missed entirely, could be killed.
          Maggie reached the second floor first, and peered down at the hall table through the railing bars. It looked tiny from up there, miles and miles away. She had never backed down from a challenge before. But she found herself gulping hard, and wishing she was miles away herself.
          Zephyr looked just as worried. "That table’s made of hard wood, there’s no lace or fabric to hold onto," she said. "Whichever one of us jumps, we’ll have to be very, very careful. I don’t like this, Bandit. It’s too risky."
          "But we have to follow Leader’s orders," Goliath said, pushing his nose between the railings to peer down at Nova, far away on the floor. "That’s the Law."
          "I wish I could climb down," Maggie grumbled. "Why doesn’t Mayor Man have any curtains near that table?"
          "Say," Zephyr said, cheering up, "maybe we can make a curtain. Let’s look in Mayor Man’s bedroom. Maybe he has something we can hang over the side, and you can use that. Come on!"
          Maggie shouted their plan down to Nova, then darted after her silvery teammate. Goliath galloped behind, keeping a careful watch for more rats.
          Mayor Man’s bedroom was cold. And entirely too neat to suit the ferrets. There were no clothes laying on the floor, no rolled up socks to fling around. No shiny jewelry to steal and hide in the closet. No cuddly toys to play with.
          "There has to be something," Maggie grumbled. "Let’s look in the closet."
          The closet door was slightly ajar. With Zephyr’s help, the white ferret nosed it open and peeked inside. Far overhead, a wide fuzzy bathrobe sash was dangling from its hook. "That would work perfectly, if we can just get it down," she said.
          Both ferrets backed up and leaped into the air, but the gray sash hung just out of reach. "Where’s Goliath?" Zephyr asked, looking around. "Maybe he can reach it."
          Just at that moment, they heard a crash in the bathroom. They raced in, to find the young giant sprawled in the middle of some rattling round plastic bottles. "Dad Human gets little pills from these kind of bottles whenever he’s hurt," Goliath explained, when they demanded to know what he was doing. "They make him stop hurting. I thought that maybe if we could push them down the stairs, Mayor Man could take them and stop hurting, too."
          "Yes, but which one?" Maggie looked at all the pill bottles. There were nearly a dozen laying on the white tile floor.
          Zephyr was staring up at the open medicine cabinet high above their heads. "I do not even want to know how you got up there," she said in a grim voice. "We’ll push them all down the steps. One of them will work."
          "What about that sash?" Maggie wanted to know.
          Together they pushed the bottles this way and that, moving them slowly toward the bedroom door. Then Goliath followed the two females into the closet. "If Bandit jumps on your back," Zephyr told him, "I think maybe she can reach the sash and pull it down."
          Goliath was willing to try that, so he planted himself under the sash. Maggie got a running start, and bounced up on his back. The sash was still just out of reach.
          "Can you push me up at the same time I jump?" she asked Goliath. "I know I can reach it, I know I can!"
          Back up...run...leap!  Maggie bounced on Goliath’s shoulders, and he heaved her up into the air. For one brief moment she was airborne. Then her snapping teeth caught the sash, and she hung dangling above him.
          "It’s caught!" Zephyr yelled. "Grab her tail, Goliath! Pull her down!"
          The black giant reared on his back feet, and bit hard on Maggie’s bushy tail. She yelped in surprise, but didn’t let go. Suddenly the sash broke free, and the two ferrets came tumbling down in a heap.
          "You did it!" Zephyr’s happy cry stopped Maggie from launching at Goliath, and biting him back. "Now let’s hurry! Leader and Mayor Man are waiting for us!"
          The white ferret glared angrily at her massive teammate, and carefully groomed her tail to make sure he hadn’t hurt anything. "All muscles, no brain," she muttered under her breath as she stalked by him.
          "Now, Bandit, you know that’s not true," Zephyr chided, rubbing her nose against Maggie’s ear. "Those pill bottles were a very good idea."
          "Hmmmph." Maggie didn’t want to be soothed. "Not if Mayor Man doesn’t wake up."
          Goliath sank his teeth into the sash, and tugged it into the darkened hallway. "Now what?" he wanted to know when he reached the railing.
          "I hang onto one end," Maggie said sharply, "and you hold onto the other end. I go over the edge, and you keep me from falling. Can you manage that much?"
          As usual, Zephyr had to make peace. "I’ll help you, Goliath. We need to lower Bandit very slowly, until she’s close to the hall table. Then she’ll let go and drop down. While she’s knocking over the telephone, you and I can roll the pill bottles down the stairs."
          Outside, they could hear Smudge Dog barking long and loud, calling for help. Another dog was barking further down the road. "Talker made it through the rats," Maggie said with a satisfied nod. "All that noise is bound to bring someone. Now it’s up to us. Ready?"
          Without another word, she grabbed the sash in her teeth, and waited until Zephyr and Goliath had each grabbed at the other end. Then she took a deep breath, and crawled over the edge.
          The table spun slowly beneath her. She’d never been afraid of heights, but she’d never risked anything this dangerous before, either. Gulping, she clamped her teeth tighter together and hoped it would all be over soon.
          Goliath and Zephyr felt like their jaws were being yanked out. "She’s heavy!" he panted as he tried to keep from being tugged forward. "How long do we have to do this?"
          "We move forward until we reach the edge of the railing," Zephyr gasped. "That’s as far as we can go. She’ll have to jump from there."
          "Let’s hurry!" With each step, Goliath dug his claws into the carpet. The railing got closer and closer. Then it was right beneath them. "Jump, Bandit," he yelled. Or tried to. The sash made his words come out garbled.
          Maggie looked up. She could see Zephyr’s silver face beside Goliath’s black one. This was as far as they could take her. Bracing herself, she let go and fell.

Nova comforting Goliath

Chapter 5

          Fortunately for Maggie, Mayor Man’s sash was a long one. She only fell a few feet. But it still took her a few moments to catch her breath.
          Nova was crouched on the floor near Mayor Man, nose to nose with Taz. Maggie was glad to see that the big cinnamon ferret had made it back inside safely. She would never have admitted it to anyone, but she was fond of all her teammates. Even Goliath.
          "Where do you want the telephone?" she shouted down to Nova.
          Zephyr and Goliath were already pushing the pill bottles down the steps, a few at a time. Nova waited for a break in the rattling clatter. "Don’t hit Mayor Man with it," she called back up. "Push it toward the dining room, and let it fall off the end of the table."
          The telephone receiver was heavy. Maggie pushed her nose under it and shoved. It rattled a little, but didn’t fall. She braced herself against the wall, and shoved again. This time the entire phone moved an inch or two.
          Briefly she wished Goliath was on the table with her. With his strength, it would only take two or three shoves to push the thing off. "I’m a thief, not a tank," she muttered to herself, as she braced and pushed again. And again. And again.
          Finally she shouted, "Everyone get out of the way!" and heaved her shoulder against the telephone one last time. It tilted and then went over the edge, and hit the wood floor with a jangling crash! All the ferrets scurried for cover, and hid in the shadows shaking with terror, as harsh echoes bounced off the walls.
          "Wow!" Maggie whispered, awed. "That was really loud!"
          Despite the sudden noise, Mayor Man still had not moved. Outside, Smudge Dog began barking even louder. The crash had scared him, too.
          One by one, the ferrets crept back into the middle of the hallway. The phone was lying on its side, buzzing. No one dared to come near it just yet.
          Taz looked up first, to see Maggie staring down at them. "Well done, Bandit!" he called up to her.
          Maggie wriggled with joy. The task had been difficult, and dangerous. But she had carried out her Mission!
          "Step on some of the buttons!" she yelled back. "That’s what the Humans do when they want to talk on the phone!"
          They all clustered around the toppled phone. "Which buttons?" Zephyr asked, looking at Nova for advice. "There are so many!"
          The old brown ferret wasn’t sure, and slowly shook her head. "I don’t think it matters. Step on all of them."
          "Uh, Leader?" Maggie’s anxious voice made Nova turn back, and peer up at the high table. "How am I going to get down?"
          "You could always land on Mayor Man," Goliath suggested. "He’s still asleep. He won’t feel it."
          Nova didn’t like that idea. If Mayor Man woke up, he wouldn’t understand that they were trying to help him. He might try to hurt them.
          But it was a long jump, even for a ferret, and the floor was very hard. "Go ahead," she finally agreed. "But don’t land on his hurt leg."
          Maggie took a deep breath, and launched herself into the air. Mayor Man’s back was soft and squishy. She bounced once, then rolled onto the floor with a smug grin. "Ta-da!"
          Taz had been studying the phone carefully. "I think there are special numbers you have to hit," he told them. "Dad Human told Boy that in an e-mer-gen-cy," and he sounded out the word carefully, "to hit the bottom number on the phone. The one that looks like a ferret’s eye. That must be this one!"
          He pressed a paw on the 0. The phone clicked and chirped. Then a woman’s voice began talking through the receiver. "May I help you? Hello? Hello?"
          "We did it!" Zephyr and Maggie crowded around the phone. "But now what should we do? We can’t talk Human!"
          "Everyone shout for help anyway," Nova ordered. "They’ll know it’s not Mayor Man talking."
          The hallway was suddenly filled with loud ferret chirps and chittering. Outside, Smudge Dog kept on barking. The woman’s voice came back, worried. "Mayor Brumley? Are you all right?"
          Goliath was so excited, he jumped up and down on the phone buttons. The phone made more loud beeps and clicks. Then the woman’s voice went away, and the phone started buzzing again.
          "You killed it!" Maggie spun around, furious. "Now how are we going to call for help?"
          Taz and Nova quickly pulled Maggie away from Goliath, who was trying to hide behind Zephyr. "Calm down, Maggie!" Nova ordered. "Goliath did not kill it! The Human heard us. She knew that something was wrong. Help will come."
          Outside, Smudge’s deep barking suddenly took on a new happier tone. Taz listened carefully, and his eyes widened. "Someone’s already coming!" he told them. "Smudge Dog told Scotty Dog, who told Chico Dog, who told King Dog, who told Andy Dog, who told Felix Dog, who told Jack Dog! And Jack Dog’s Human went outside, and heard all the dogs barking, and is coming here to find out why! Mayor Man will be saved!"
          "Hooray!" All the ferrets began leaping around the room, laughing and playing and war-dancing. "We did it!"
          Heavy footsteps suddenly pounded on the porch, then someone banged on the front door. "Mayor Brumley! Mayor Brumley, are you home?" a man’s voice called.
          The ferrets stopped frolicking, and turned to look at Mayor Man. He was still lying on the floor. He couldn’t answer Jack Dog’s Human.
          "Make more noise!" Nova ordered. "He has to come inside the house!"
          Goliath quickly bit down on Maggie’s tail again, and she shrieked in anger. "Goliath, that hurt!"
          Her high squeal carried all the way outside. Smudge Dog heard it, and went crazy barking and scratching against the door. Jack Dog barked, too, and began throwing himself against the screen.
          "Get down, both of you!" Jack Dog’s Human sounded worried. "Mayor Brumley? I’m coming inside!"
          There was more banging on the door. The ferrets heard the sound of a glass window breaking. They froze.
          "Get down, Jack!" The Human tied his dog’s leash to the railing, flipped on the overhead light, and stepped into the house. "Mayor Brumley!" Then his eyes widened. "Get away from him, you nasty rats!"
          The ferrets scrambled for cover. Jack Dog’s Human rushed over and rolled Mayor Man onto his back. Then he saw the phone on the floor. He snatched it up, and began pushing at buttons. "Madge? This is Harvey Miller. I’m at Mayor Brumley’s place. He’s been hurt bad, Madge. I think he broke his leg falling down the stairs. Yes, that’s right. What? He did? Well, he’s flat on the floor now. You’d better send an ambulance!"
          While he was talking, Smudge Dog snuck into the hallway. He sniffed twice at Mayor Man, then crawled under the table where the ferrets were hiding. "You need to come out," he told old Nova. "Then Jack Dog’s Human will see that you aren’t rats."
          Jack Dog was still leaping about in the doorway, barking wildly. The ferrets were more scared of him than they were of his Human. But Smudge Dog promised that they’d be safe from the smaller dog’s sharp teeth. Finally Nova crept forward a few steps, and huddled against Smudge Dog’s floppy ear. Taz joined her, and let the old hunting dog rub his nose against him.
          Jack Dog’s Human stared in disbelief. "Well I’ll be . . ." He scratched his head, then took a closer look. "Smudge, you old rascal! Those aren’t rats, after all, are they! I’ll bet they’re those weird critters your Boy likes so much!"
          Smudge’s stubby tail began to wag fast, and he rubbed his nose against Goliath and Zephyr, who had bravely edged out of the shadows to join their Leader.
          "But what are they doing here? What are you doing here? Oh, be quiet, Jack!" the man turned and yelled through the doorway. "Can’t you see it’s okay now?"
          He picked up the phone again, and dialed another number. "Mike? This is Harvey Miller. Did I wake you up? Well, I’m over at Mayor Brumley’s. And I think you’d better come over here right away. Some of your critters have gotten loose. Yeah, that’s right. I’ll keep an eye on ’em until you get here."
          Loud sirens and flashing lights were coming up Mayor Man’s road. The ferrets darted under the hall table again as two strange men ran through the open doorway. They bent over Mayor Man, then ran back outside for a metal bed with long legs and wheels. Harvey Man talked to them, and helped them lift Mayor Man onto the bed. Then the two men carried him outside, and the wailing sirens faded away.
          A few moments later, Dad Human burst through the door. "Smudge!" he cried, surprised, as the old hunting dog rose and pressed against his leg. "What are you doing here? What’s going on, Harvey?"
          Harvey Man spread his hands in a wide shrug. "All I know is, my Jack started going crazy, barking and scratching at the door. I thought there were rabbits in the yard. But when I let him out, he led me here. Your Smudge was barking loud enough to wake the whole town. I was worried about old Mayor Brumley, so I broke the window and came inside. And there was the Mayor, lying flat on the floor. Looks like he tripped coming down the stairs, and broke his leg.
          "And you’re not going to believe what else I found!" He turned and peered under the table, then got down on one knee and gently reached into the shadows. His long fingers closed around Goliath, who began to shake with fear. "It’s okay, little fella. I’m not gonna hurt you. Does this little guy belong to you, Mike?"
          "Goliath!" Dad Human reached for the trembling ferret, and cuddled him in his arms. "What are you doing here?"
          "He’s not the only one, Mike. There’s more of ’em. A bunch more," Harvey Man said. "I don’t know what they’re doing here...but you don’t think they tripped Mayor Brumley, do you?"
          Dad Human firmly shook his head. "They like to play and get into mischief. But they would never even bite someone. They could never have hurt Mayor Brumley. In fact..."  He stared around the hallway. Pill bottles were scattered all over the floor, and the Mayor’s thick sash was still dangling from the upper landing. "Harvey, where did you find that phone?" he asked.
          "On the floor. Madge said that she got a call from the Mayor a while ago, but he didn’t say anything. She did hear some strange sounds, though, and was about to call for help when I got here." Harvey Man’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Goliath. "Mike, you can’t possibly think..."
          Dad Human slowly nodded. "I know ferrets, Harvey. They can do some pretty amazing things! Look at this table, you can see tiny paw prints all over it! That phone didn’t fall by itself."
          He bent down and reached under the table. "Come on, guys, it’s safe to come out." Four tiny noses pressed against his hand. Grinning, he lifted out Taz, Zephyr, Nova, and last of all Maggie. "Here’s our real trouble maker," he laughed. "If anyone could push Mayor Brumley’s pill bottles all the way down here, and climb up onto that table, it’s Maggie!"
          Harvey shook his head. "I’d have to see that to believe it," he mumbled. "But if what you’re saying is true, then these little guys just saved Mayor Brumley’s life."
          Dad Human looked proud. "I think they probably did. Though I can’t imagine how they got here. You know, Harvey, it’s funny the way things turn out. Mayor Brumley wanted to pass a law that would force us to get rid of the ferrets. I’ll have a little talk with him tomorrow. Somehow I don’t think he’s going to pass that law, after all."
          He hoisted Goliath and Taz to his shoulders, then cradled Maggie and Zephyr in one arm, and Nova in the other. "Come on, Smudge old boy. However you got here, it’s time to go home. Head on out to the truck!"
          Goliath and Taz clung to Dad Human’s sweater, and happily rubbed noses. Their Mission had been a success. Maybe they hadn’t taught Mayor Man how to laugh and play, but in the end, they had done something even greater.
          Mayor Man would live, and all the ferrets were safe.
          It was time for the Mustela Secret Service to go home, and get some well-earned rest. Tomorrow was a brand new day.

 

The End...
Until the next episode!  ;-)
 
 

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